A message to Robert de Vincy - Experiences of Durham

[Ben]

Over a year ago now I read with interest that you were going to Durham
as a mature student. Could you tell me how it actually went.

In the discussion a year ago it was mentioned about that at a
university such as Durham there will probably be a low number of
mature students compared to the old polytechnic unis and perhaps the
difficulty of being around so many 18 yr olds.
It was also said "Do you intending making proper friends with
your other students and mixing in fully with all the social
activities, pubbing, clubbing, freshers week and societies , or do
you intend just to take part in the academic side of things"

Was it a wise choice or was it a disaster? I look forward to reading
your reply.

[Toby]

Post by Ben
Over a year ago now I read with interest that you were going to Durham
as a mature student. Could you tell me how it actually went.
In the discussion a year ago it was mentioned about that at a
university such as Durham there will probably be a low number of
mature students compared to the old polytechnic unis and perhaps the
difficulty of being around so many 18 yr olds.
It was also said "Do you intending making proper friends with
your other students and mixing in fully with all the social
activities, pubbing, clubbing, freshers week and societies , or do
you intend just to take part in the academic side of things"
Was it a wise choice or was it a disaster? I look forward to reading
your reply.

Well, judging from his recent history of posts, he's gradually
becoming more and more insanely obsessed with freeing the English
language from its grammatical shackles :)

It may well be congenital, and in no way related to Durham,
though...But it would be understandable.

<runs>

[Robert de Vincy]

[Big, fat apologies for not replying sooner.]

Post by Ben
Over a year ago now I read with interest that you were going to Durham
as a mature student. Could you tell me how it actually went.
In the discussion a year ago it was mentioned about that at a
university such as Durham there will probably be a low number of
mature students compared to the old polytechnic unis and perhaps the
difficulty of being around so many 18 yr olds.

There were only a few mature students, yes. I'm 30 (turned 30 last
Monday, damn it!), and the person nearest in age to me on my course was
26. After that, a 25-year-old, a handful of 21- and 22-year-olds, and
then all the rest being straight-out-of-schoolers.

The big difficulty I really had was their insistence that being loud
and drunk was higher on their list of priorities than mine. (But not
everyone was like that, thank goodness!) The first term was especially
full of invitations to go to this drinking establishment and to that
drinking establishment and spend night after night, well, drinking.
After Christmas, however, that sort of slowed down a lot and it was
mainly birthdays and the occasional night out with one of my tutorial
groups.

But on the positive side, it wasn't hard at all to make friends with
the 18-year-olds. The age thing never really made itself a big issue,
except in conversations where'd I mention something from my past and
I'd be met with blank looks because it was simply before their time.
An example of this was when I mentioned £1 notes. One guy could not
believe that we used to have £1 notes. That threw me a bit and made
me quite self-conscious of my age for a few moments.

Perhaps if I'd taken a different degree course then I might have had
more exposure to mature students. One morning in May I was waiting in
the corridor that leads to my department (Linguistics) in one direction
and the Social Work department in the other direction, and the seats
began filling up with people who were definitely in their 30s and 40s.
I chatted with one of them and apparently they were all applicants for
social-working degrees (or whatever they do in that department!). I
don't know how many places were being offered, but the amount of (over-20-
year-old) people who came and went made me think that that course would
have had a higher proportion of mature students than Linguistics.

Not that I regret taking this course at all! It's not like I stuck a
pin in the UCAS book at random.

Post by Ben
It was also said "Do you intending making proper friends with
your other students and mixing in fully with all the social
activities, pubbing, clubbing, freshers week and societies , or do
you intend just to take part in the academic side of things"

I did for the first term and some of the second term. Not as wild and
involved as the 'ordinary' students, but I at least put some effort
into being just like one of the crowd. But then...

The 25-year-old I mentioned above. In February, just by coincidence, I
sat beside her in one of our lectures and we got talking. There was an
almost instant attraction and we weren't apart until she left in June
(being an exchange student, she was only over here for one year). From
February onwards, I mostly hung around with her, mainly because she was
an amazing person but also because, maybe, she was nearer my age than
most of the others around me.
Thinking it over, maybe the reason that I did abandon my first term's
involvement and chose to spend all my free-time with her was because
deep down I felt I didn't fit in with the 18-year-olds and when a chance
to socialize with someone nearer my age came along then I leapt at it
wholeheartedly.

Post by Ben
Was it a wise choice or was it a disaster? I look forward to reading
your reply.

It was a wise choice, on the whole. I got to experience the first term
of merry revellery but I learnt that such youthful stuff is probably
not for me anymore and I got proof that this was so from my choice of
social company in February and onwards.

Of course, a whole new chapter of my "mixing with the youngsters" will
probably begin again in October when I will most likely not be in College
accommodation but having to share a rented house with said youngsters.
That should be an experience and a half...

Post by Robert de Vincy
[Big, fat apologies for not replying sooner.]

Post by Ben
Over a year ago now I read with interest that you were going to Durham
as a mature student. Could you tell me how it actually went.
In the discussion a year ago it was mentioned about that at a
university such as Durham there will probably be a low number of
mature students compared to the old polytechnic unis and perhaps the
difficulty of being around so many 18 yr olds.

There were only a few mature students, yes. I'm 30 (turned 30 last
Monday, damn it!), and the person nearest in age to me on my course was
26. After that, a 25-year-old, a handful of 21- and 22-year-olds, and
then all the rest being straight-out-of-schoolers.
The big difficulty I really had was their insistence that being loud
and drunk was higher on their list of priorities than mine. (But not
everyone was like that, thank goodness!) The first term was especially
full of invitations to go to this drinking establishment and to that
drinking establishment and spend night after night, well, drinking.
After Christmas, however, that sort of slowed down a lot and it was
mainly birthdays and the occasional night out with one of my tutorial
groups.
But on the positive side, it wasn't hard at all to make friends with
the 18-year-olds. The age thing never really made itself a big issue,
except in conversations where'd I mention something from my past and
I'd be met with blank looks because it was simply before their time.
An example of this was when I mentioned £1 notes. One guy could not
believe that we used to have £1 notes. That threw me a bit and made
me quite self-conscious of my age for a few moments.
Perhaps if I'd taken a different degree course then I might have had
more exposure to mature students. One morning in May I was waiting in
the corridor that leads to my department (Linguistics) in one direction
and the Social Work department in the other direction, and the seats
began filling up with people who were definitely in their 30s and 40s.
I chatted with one of them and apparently they were all applicants for
social-working degrees (or whatever they do in that department!). I
don't know how many places were being offered, but the amount of (over-20-
year-old) people who came and went made me think that that course would
have had a higher proportion of mature students than Linguistics.
Not that I regret taking this course at all! It's not like I stuck a
pin in the UCAS book at random.

Post by Ben
It was also said "Do you intending making proper friends with
your other students and mixing in fully with all the social
activities, pubbing, clubbing, freshers week and societies , or do
you intend just to take part in the academic side of things"

I did for the first term and some of the second term. Not as wild and
involved as the 'ordinary' students, but I at least put some effort
into being just like one of the crowd. But then...
The 25-year-old I mentioned above. In February, just by coincidence, I
sat beside her in one of our lectures and we got talking. There was an
almost instant attraction and we weren't apart until she left in June
(being an exchange student, she was only over here for one year). From
February onwards, I mostly hung around with her, mainly because she was
an amazing person but also because, maybe, she was nearer my age than
most of the others around me.
Thinking it over, maybe the reason that I did abandon my first term's
involvement and chose to spend all my free-time with her was because
deep down I felt I didn't fit in with the 18-year-olds and when a chance
to socialize with someone nearer my age came along then I leapt at it
wholeheartedly.

Post by Ben
Was it a wise choice or was it a disaster? I look forward to reading
your reply.

It was a wise choice, on the whole. I got to experience the first term
of merry revellery but I learnt that such youthful stuff is probably
not for me anymore and I got proof that this was so from my choice of
social company in February and onwards.
Of course, a whole new chapter of my "mixing with the youngsters" will
probably begin again in October when I will most likely not be in College
accommodation but having to share a rented house with said youngsters.
That should be an experience and a half...

Is there any part of you that thinks it might of been
better/wiser/pleasanter to go to a 'new university' where the number
of mature students can be extremely high compared to somewhere like
Durham?

[Robert de Vincy]

Ben did write:

[snip]

Post by
Is there any part of you that thinks it might of been
better/wiser/pleasanter to go to a 'new university' where the number
of mature students can be extremely high compared to somewhere like
Durham?

I don't think so. And even I could identify a feeling or a regret or
whatever that made me feel that way, I suspect it would be incredibly
weak compared to the feelings of "Hey, I'm glad I got myself motivated
to do this, after thinking it over for three, four years!"

The only really negative "being in with the 18-year-olds" I felt was
the first week or so, thinking to myself "What the hell am I doing here?
I can't relate to anyone!" but that could be a common feeling for a lot
of people going to university for the first time regardless of age, and
it faded once I started to become familiar with the routine and the
environment.